FEAR OF COMMITMENT?
- Submitted by Argent
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LIKE, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!?

Fear of commitment... Now, I've been around and I've been in long term
monogamous relationships before. Not all of them successful or
memorable, but I learned something from each one of them. One thing that
I see recurring in all of them was a fear of commitment. Doesn't anyone
stay together anymore? What is it that scares the beejeezus out of a guy
when he hears the word 'commitment'? What's so terrible about spending
many wonderful years together with one person? Lack of variety? The
guy's a loser? The old, "I don't want to be stuck with the same person
for too long" excuse. I'm not talking about those guys. I wouldn't want
to be stuck with them either if they were any one of those. The ones I'm
talking about are the guys whom you've had a wonderful relationship with
so far (it's been about 4-6 months, or maybe even over a year) who still
do not want to make a commitment. The guys who are charming,
intelligent, loyal, attentive, etc. etc. You've been dating exclusively
for quite some time. The sex is great. The love is there. You guys get
along so very well. He's considerate and trustworthy. You love each
other. It seems to be working out great right? What's the problem?

The problem... from what I've learned by talking candidly to guys who
fear commitment is because of one or more of the following reasons:

Some guys enjoy the 'present' relationship so much that they don't want
to "spoil" it by changing or altering it in any way. They fear that
things will change with the "new rules" and they don't want to lose the
great thing they already have. A lot of them say that it is not because
they don't love the other person, it's the exact opposite. They fear
that they may lose the other person and don't want anything to
jeopardize it. If it ain't broke, why fix it?

Some guys are just old fashioned and like to take it S-L-O-W-L-Y. These
are the guys who can come up with no reason for holding off commitment
except for the fact that they aren't sure if the person they're with is
"The One". If you're like me, this can be frustrating because you're
never really sure if you're "together" or not. Many times people ask me,
"Are you single?" and I'm never really sure of what to answer. A lot of
times, because of how we appear when we're together, people just assume
that we're a couple. That's well and fine. I just want to be sure I'm
understanding where our relationship is at. To me, these guys aren't so
bad if they reassure their partner where they stand from time to time
and confirm their intentions. But on the other hand, if they're not sure
after a year or more, there are definitely some things that need airing.
What is he not sure about? I'm not saying you should place an ultimatum
upon him (yes or no, I stay or go), but try and talk about what it is
that worries him about you and the relationship. Talk about where you
are and where you're going.

Relationships should continue to grow. When it stops growing. When it
stops expanding. Things stagnate and die eventually. It's human nature.
Some just take longer than others to spoil.
There are those that don't need a word like 'commitment' to know that
they're together. They just know...

For all you guys out there who fear the word COMMITMENT. Just remember,
it's just a word. Relationships don't need titles or names to be loving,
fulfilling relationships. It's personal choice. Always communicate, let
each other know where they stand, continue growing together. There's no
need to be afraid of a word, if by all appearances and actions you're
doing it anyway... You don't need a wedding ceremony or fireworks and
flying banners.

A word to the wise though... If you don't show your partner that you
love them in a way that they can understand, someone else will.

There's the door. . . .